Funny Old Age Poems

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Funny Old Age Poems
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My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

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Remember the times when you left the pub
Singing and dancing down the street;
Staggered a bit and managed to get home
Can't remember much but it was a treat.

More and more days are like that now
Memory fading and things take time;
Upstairs downstairs what was it I was doing
Can't go to pub haven't got a dime.

Though there are times I feel I've had a drink
When not a drop has touched my lips;
My medications got mixed up again
Good job they've fitted those grips.

I look in the mirror and think who's that
She doesn't look like me;
Where has the beard and moustache come from
They must be bad if I can see.

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Don't take life too seriously
We're not here long enough;
Even when there are times
That the going can get tough.

A smile makes a difference
To everyone you meet;
So spend them like you're wealthy
As you go along the street.

Laugh and the world laughs with you
Cry and you cry alone;
Share a joke and have a cuddle
Nothing changes when you moan.

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Funny Old Age Poems
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They said that face cream
Would work over all the years;
It's a good job my eyes are going
So I can't see the wear and tear.

Sometimes it's a blessing now
I miss a word or two;
I can make it up then
Make's it fun listening to you.

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The first time you laugh at yourself
You know that you've grown up;
As life is truly wonderful
Then you find your time is up.

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Talking personal is what us oldies do
About the last doctors visit;
Quite proud of what we've got
With our bad faecal deposit.

Then declare we had the same
Was it last year or the one before;
We got cured by doing that
We don't have it anymore.

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I'm eighty two you know
As proud as proud can be;
It's now triumphant to declare
What year achieved and fit as a flea.

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Funny Old Age Poems
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The Penis Poem

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the damn thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!

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Not needing bubble bath
Eating beans for lunch and dinner;
Speeds up my afternoon walk
Whizzing round on my zimmer.

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Masturbation increases with age
As the wrinkles then don't matter;
You can stop and have a cup of tea
Even have a little natter.

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Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative
Maurice Chevalier

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Funny Old Age Poems
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I went over the hill
Now I've picked up speed;
I wish my brakes worked better
Because that's all I really need.

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My photographic memory
Just got up and left;
I've lost the film somehow
I'm feeling quite bereft.

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All my secrets are very safe
My friends can't remember them;
I've told them many things
From I can't remember when.

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